Tickets: £6 Child, £8 Adult, available online and from Brownlees Newsagents, High Street, Biggar (Brownlees available from Tuesday 3 October).





By Robert S McLeish

Directed by Ian Henderson


SHOW RUN:           Wednesday 6 April to Saturday 9 April 2016


AUDITIONS:           Sunday 13 December 2015, 1.30pm in Biggar Corn Exchange Auditorium


FORMAT:               Open – Turn up and have a go. No pieces to learn.  

                                If you’re not a Biggar Theatre Workshop member, don’t let that put you off. We love new people!



Two one act comedies about the Cairns family.

Nothing Ever Happens:

Kate Cairns, a farmer's wife, complains that "nothing ever happens'', to break the monotony of her rather humdrum life. A series of hilarious situations develop, however, which has Kate eating her words before the final curtain. At the centre of the plot is Dougie, Kate's drunken husband. His dramatic, yet comical, entrance and Kate's attempt to sober him. The farce of getting Dougie abed in the "hole in the wa' ''; the amorous advances of Wattie Donaldson, Kate's "auld flame''; and the unexpected arrival of Kirsty, Wattie's domineering wife, and how she is surprised to find herself in bed with the drunken Dougie. The courtship of Meg Cairns, who's desperate to wed Geordie Donaldson, who isn't quite so keen. The accusation that Dougie has a local girl in the family way, all these events blend together to provide the players with colourful characters, offering excellent scope for acting with loads of situation comedy and humorous dialogue throughout, giving the audience a good old-fashioned "belly laugh''.


In this sequel to the author's "Nothing Ever Happens", we return to the hilarious ups and downs of the Cairns Family. The fun begins when Dougie and Kate Cairns awaken from their slumbers before cock-crow. Dougie is in an amorous mood, but has to come to terms with Kate's rejection. One comical situation leads to another, Kate driving Dougie from his bed with a brush; Dougie finding that he has a "skelf '' in his posterior and Kate's attempts at removing it with a needle and her teeth; Dougie's reaction at finding his arch enemy Kristy Donaldson assisting Kate with the ? laying of hands''. The continuing romance of Meg Cairns and the "Goukit'' Geordie Donaldson. Meg's attempts at learning Geordie the art of kissing. Geordie's game of hide and seek with his mother and his ploy to fool her into allowing him to marry Meg, sooner rather than later. Additional comic situations and humorous dialogue combine to offer the players and the audience a hilarious forty-five minutes. 


Some of you might recognise this is as a ‘scottish’ show. No accent requirements – bring your own.


Characters                                                                 Approximate Age Range

Dougie Cairns, Farmer                                             40 to 55

Kate Cairns, his wife                                                 40 to 55

Meg Cairns, daughter                                               20 ish

Wattie Donaldson, Neighbouring farmer                40 to 60

Kirsty Donaldson, Wattie’s domineering wife        40 to 50

Geordie Donaldson, son                                          20 ish

Jake Tanner, Tavern landlord                                  35 to 70

Rosie Tanner, Jake’s daughter                               16 to 20 ish

Jamie Dow, Rosie’s friend                                       16 to 30



Sundays 10.30 am to 3.00 pm (slotted rehearsal times) Corn Exchange, from Sunday 10 January 2016.



We are always looking for new technical and backstage crew, and people to cover bar and front of house, so get in touch if that’s something you might want to try and we’ll try and get you involved for this one (if there are too many volunteers we can always roll you over to the next show). You don’t have to be experienced, just willing to get stuck in.


ANY QUESTIONS:   Carole on 01864 504278, or carole@jdcecology.co.uk




Biggar Theatre Workshop

at The Corn Exchange

For information about what's on in the Corn Exchange, click HERE



Photos from past Biggar Theatre Workshop shows can be viewed

by clicking on the show name below:


Snow White and the Biggar Dwarfs 2014

The Cripple of Inishmaan 2014

Calendar Girls 2013

Biggar Shorts 2013

Guys and Dolls

Treasure Island - The Panto

Ordinary People

Oscar Wilde's 'Lord Arthur Savile's Crime'

Good Things


Sweeney Todd

Les Liaisons Dangereuses

Me and My Girl

Miracle Worker


The Biggar Theatre Workshop was founded in 1971 and since then has become one of the main sources of arts facilities in the district, allowing the people of Biggar and the surrounding areas the opportunity to participate in live theatre as well as creating a performance and arts venue for local and travelling theatre groups.

The Workshop is housed in the Biggar Corn Exchange, a Grade B listed building dating back to 1860. The building is a major landmark in the town, built on the site of the old rat-infested Meal House. The new Corn Exchange failed to achieve success as a grain market, and became a popular dancing and entertainment venue. In 1935 the Corn Exchange was gifted to the Biggar Burgh Council and the Biggar Theatre Workshop now leases the building from the local council at a nominal rent as its venue for its theatrical performances.

Now nearing completion of the first phase of an extensive re-furbishment project, Biggar Theatre Workshop at The Corn Exchange are actively looking to include the wider community and visiting groups  to make best use of the building as a more diverse community resource.

If you have any interest in joining us as a theatre group either on stage or behind the scenes, or even just finding out what we are all about as a potential venue for public or private events/functions please contact us by clicking on the link below